GoTTa Heart Marriage!!

My weeks post takes me to a new Topic. It is a very honest topic and if you don't think you can handle the read then go ahead a close right now.  Marriage! It has been my Akele's heel.  If that is how you spell it. As a little girl I only wanted to be married and have lots of kids and live happily ever after. Holy Hell!! It couldn't be far from happily ever after.  I am a picses by nature and such a dreamer.  I constantly fill my head full of fantasies and I am constantly dreaming of the perfect man.  Yet I know deep down my husband is the PERFECT husband for me.  He hasn't left me yet :)

My marriage started off very rocky and for the last 13 years I have tortured myself with the imperfections only Satan would want you to focus on.  Of course there has been good times. And they DO out weigh the bad. But my poor husband.  First off I am very insecure. Where that stems from I don't know and I don't care to delve into the past and find out.  I really want to move forward. Maybe it has something to do with some of my own childhood.  Deep down I am a feminist trying to live in a Pioneer man's world. And I can't for the life of me understand why he loves me. I think that stems from my own family. I have no relationship with any of them and it isn't because I haven't tried.

But despite all that my loving husband stays with me. All I ever want to do is please him. I want to cook for him, take care of everything I can. But with 6 kids it is a little difficult by yourself. It saddens me and stresses me out when he does help me because then I don't feel like I am doing my job. But he is better than me at Laundry. He has been a great help meet to me. 

He has been living in Cedar City for 5 days out of the week and that has been an interesting experience. I really have enjoyed it because I know I can do this on my own but I miss him at night. I love having a bigger body to sleep next to.

Marriage, it is getting easier-He really has been my rock in life and he truly is the better half. I someday hope to be as good a wife to him as he has been husband to me. I love you Kyle. Thanks for the trip.

sadie