Decisions DETERMINE your DESTINY!!!

I guess I am living in a bit of denial lately and I must admit to the reality of my life at this moment in time. This probably should not be a public post and probably really should be a journal entry done at LDSJOURNAL.com.  I use that website for my personal entries but this is something I thought that maybe if there is anyone out there possibility going through the same thing then just maybe it might help or maybe could give me some advise... So here it goes.

A week ago I gave a speech in my Advanced Speaking class on "Stay at Home Mom". Overall the speech went really well. I was relaxed, calm, and it was information that I was really proud of and honestly it was a subject that I know really well. But as I was preparing it I was struggling with finding the perfect beginning and end to really tie it all together and I didn't sleep for 5 days.  I wrestled with this topic on how to present it, what should I say, why I should say this and what is going to be my "Stand" out quote. Then the night before (of course) at midnight it came to me. DECISIONS DETERMINE your DESTINY.

If anyone recognizes this quote it is from Pres. Thoms S. Monson. To preface I have been reading his book to the rescue and the quotes and thoughts have changed my life but also been very thought provoking. And one of his quotes is exactly that.. now you must read the book to find out why those specific words are so meaningful in his life. But I thought about that and those 3 D words become the Theme of my speech.  Needless to say I went to class extra early 7:45am and re did my power point presentation to include that and the speech came off with out a hitch.  But that is not what I want to share with you...Like I said click out now this could be long.

The last few months I have felt as Enoch wrestling with the Lord on where to live. I want so BADLY to move back to ST. George, UT..I LOVE IT-there and maybe there is a chance it could still happen. ;) I have even gone as far as to enroll the kids in the school that I love there (George Washington Academy). I mean, Heck-I drive there 2 days a week for music lessons and karate so why can't I go back.

Anyway, I spoke to my oldest who really likes it here and her school and she is so excited to start High school and she said to me that she prayed about it and she felt like we needed to stay here. I immediately said, "you did not just receive revelation for me sweety" haha! But I really couldn't discount her willingness to pray to our Loving Heavenly Father and ask him for guidance. Then there is my husband who has kind of put his foot down on me and said :"Sadie, YOU are staying"!! He didn't yell it but he certainly has never been so sure of himself with me :)  And so then I thought-Self-you need to pray too. And I have been praying, and exhausting myself to the point of illness and I've been living on Excedrin just to survive that as I write my eyes are filled with tears because of the road, the heartache, the pain, the fear, the JOB that I have to do here in Cedar City. And frankly I don't want to do it---I am going to be asked to do things beyond my capabilities and I am going to be asked to be Humble, Meek, lowly of heart, and I am going to be asked to be a Daughter of God like I have never been before--AND I DON"T KNOW IF I CAN DO IT!!

St. George has everything I need-every activity for Willie. They have special needs mutual, Special needs academy that is non-profit. Do see where I am going with the?  CEDAR CITY lacks so many great programs here for our Special needs kids and why fix something that is not broken...St. George is not broken..

But it is clear to me more then ever this week-and you know how it came to me--I had a burst of energy while I was vacuuming. Can you believe that-of all the chores-thank heaven's it was one I LOVE!! haha.

I know I am STUCK here!! :) Kyle's business is here, but I know I need to do this-And maybe my degree was actually divinely inspired because I never knew that Communications would be so interesting and fun but at the same time so useful in what I need to do.

Thanks for listening.  I trust the GOD that created me and I trust that this Decision will Determine not just my destiny but possibly the Destiny of so many others...