Have you Any Room?

Have Ye any Room for Jesus!!

This post is a long time coming. The last post I wrote was around the time we had been living in the RV and we are still in the RV. There were many reasons we decided to move into the RV full-time during a time that was so busy and full of chaos. But probably the real trick behind the move was because our Family has NO FEAR!! Kyle & I were desperate to finish the Fun Center and the only way we could think of doing it and keeping our family close was to move on sight. So we did... fast moving forward around August I had a Mental Breakdown. I don't know if that is what they call it today but that's what I am calling it. I had lists and lists and lists of things to do every day. There was never enough time in the day for everything and I was slowly deteriorating. I could literally feel myself self-destructing. And this is not ME.. I can go and go and go but I finally found myself in a state of WHOA!! It got so bad that I couldn't even drive myself anywhere. And I physically broke. I knew I was missing things in my life. I knew I was missing spiritual things. But I didn't have time, where would I find time for one more thing to do. Besides many friends and people, I knew on social media was leaving the church. And why? I didn't understand and I was so confused but all I knew was I was taking this all upon me. I was asking questions, I was over thinking I felt alone and lost. But in a weird way, my faith was strong. I was confused for these people that knew the gospel but decided to leave. And I still don't understand it because the Gospel is Jesus Christ and when you leave the gospel all I know is that you leave Jesus Christ. And maybe that is a childish way to look at it but I still don't understand. Until one day I was in church. I didn't want to be there. I was there to be a good example for my kids because they need it. They need to have a foundation. But I was there and it was testimony meeting. Well go back one day.. it was my nephew's baptism and I was full of anxiety. I get this when I go to family functions. And as I was sitting there listening to the same kind of talk, the same testimony born, I asked a quiet question. "Father, I know this is your baptism but I need to feel it, I need to have the Holy Ghost Testify to me AGAIN!! (Like he has 100 times).. and HE DID!! I felt it. I can't deny the baptism. Then Sunday... the testimonies begin and they begin with the Bishops, it was his turn and as I am not really thinking or anything but one by one the testimonies testify that they know the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is true. And they were simple, and beautiful testimonies. One sister said the following words, "I feel good when I read the scriptures, I feel good when I come to church, I feel good when I am serving, I feel good." That was it. That was her testimony that was so innocent and simple and pure. Then the voice came to me... "Don't worry about why people are leaving, Listen to WHY they are staying."
WHY THEY ARE STAYING!!! Why are you staying? I am still healing from my anxiety and taking one day at a time. I started listening to the scriptures as I travel to work every morning. I started praying more earnestly and sincerely. The effort has to be there. We have to do the work too. And I don't question too much because my Spirit knows. I know we made choices and decisions in the Pre-Existence. I know that Prophets help us understand more fully the Good word of God. I know the Book of Mormon is packed with such cool stories that I can relate to even in this day. And it's hard for me to read and listen about the wars of Our ancestors and how they struggled but they also prospered and they put God first and then they didn't put God first. They struggled the same way we did and that is part of this life. I still don't have the perfect written list. But I do know that I started to heal when I put Jesus First. When I say Hi to a neighbor or be a little more polite than maybe I would have been. I want to be an instrument in his hands and I always want to have room. I hope you all have a beautiful Sunday. Listen to why people stay.. share why you stay.. the struggle doesn't change, but the Faith & Hope are there. And everyday you get a little bit stronger. And I need to give my strength to my Heavenly Father. I wish I could collectively gather my thoughts enough to write abook about my own journey. There are times when I think there is NO WAY I could get any stronger.. But God knows you.. He knows how far he can push you.. He knows how to Mold you just PERFECTLY!! And you do get Stronger. But God has carried me & my family through this life. 

Peace & Blessings
xoxox